TO About Chandler and Rachel
by Institutionalized Stalkers
Summary: After TOW The Jellyfish, Chandler and Rachel seek comfort due to those Gellar siblings. CR, RR, CM. WIP.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Lauren, take it wherever you want to. The ball's in your court.

**Lauren's Note: **Now there's a ball?

Author's Note: Ball's flying all over the place.

888

Rachel felt the water wash over her, and was pretty sure that she could just stay here forever. The shower was too comfortable, and hot, and she knew that the minute it was over she would remember and be brought back down to reality. Back to the reality that Ross and Rachel would never be Ross and Rachel again. That devastated her.

Eventually, she gave in, and exited the warm waterfall. She turned off the faucet and slid a towel around her. She left the bathroom and went to her bedroom. She slipped into a baggy sweater and some shorts and went out into the living room.

Turning on the television, she began to scan the channels. Damn it! Nothing was on! Oh, life hated her… Before she knew it, her eyes began to pull down… 'No,' she told herself, 'I will not go to sleep… I will not…', and suddenly everything went black.

"Monica! Monica!" An angry voice entered the apartment and slammed the door behind them. Rachel sat up instantly.

"I did not fall to sleep. I didn't fall asleep. I was no not sleeping…" For some reason, Rachel's tongue didn't seem to be agreeing with her. "Chandler?" She squinted her eyes and looked at her fuming friend.

"Monica!" He ignored Rachel and went into Monica's bedroom.

"She's not here…" Rachel sighed, and Chandler stormed back out.

"Well, where the hell is she?"

"I don't know…" Rachel shrugged and yawned.

"Well…" Chandler struggled for the right words. "You should."

"Good comeback, Chandler." She stood up and went into the kitchen. She opened their fridge and began scanning for something to drink. She settled on a can of diet soda, and sat down at the table. "Why so anxious, hon?" she asked, and Chandler shrugged.

"Nothing…" He looked down at the floor.

"Really? Nothing?"

"Yes. Nothing." He looked at her. He was lying so much that it was painfully obvious.

"Why don't you tell me what's going on?" she suggested. Chandler sat across from her, and seemed hesitant to start.

"Why don't you tell me what happened with you and Ross," Chandler retorted smugly. Rachel raised her eyebrows.

"Touché," Rachel laughed. Chandler sighed.

"Do you think I'm boyfriend material?"

"What?"

"Would you ever date me? If I wasn't Chandler, the goofy guy that you always make fun of?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Come on." Chandler picked a grape from the centerpiece on Monica's table. "You always start stuff…"

"I start stuff?"

"Well, not you, per se, but like everyone as a whole. It really sucks."

"I'm sorry," Rachel said. Chandler shook his head.

"Don't be. I've got other things on my mind. I just realized that I'm not good enough to date any girl that's actually worth it."

"Honey, don't say that."

"Why not? It's true. It's like I'm one big giant walking idiot with the word 'loser' tattooed across my forehead. And let me tell you, it's _really _not good for my sex life."

Rachel laughed, but stopped short as soon as she noticed Chandler frowning at her. "Don't laugh – I actually _have _the tattoo. Why does everyone have to _laugh _when I'm being serious?"

"Hey, don't get all defensive on me," Rachel told him. "I'm just the innocent victim in all this. I thought this was between you and Monica."

"Monica?" Chandler laughed nervously. "This has nothing to do with Monica, ok? I don't care about Monica's opinion. Monica can just… go to hell." He tried to sound careless. It didn't work.

"Sweetie, Monica didn't mean to offend you, I'm sure."

"I know that." Chandler placed his head in his hands. "She just told me what I knew all along. I'm useless. I'm sad and pathetic and miserable."

"Honey…" Rachel left her seat and went around the coffee table to place a comforting arm around Chandler. "Monica was stupid. Of course you're boyfriend material!"

"Really?" He looked at her hopefully.

"Yes. Really. You're way smarter than I'll ever be. And funny, and sexy, and an all around good guy. I would so be lucky to end up with a guy like you. Plus," Rachel added loudly as an after-thought, and Chandler jumped.

"What?"

"You've got magnificent fashion sense."

"Really?" Chandler looked down at his shirt.

"Totally…" Rachel nodded.

"Thanks, Rach." Chandler stood up and wrapped Rachel into a full-fledged hug. "You're so sweet. You know just when to lie…"

"Lie?" Rachel pushed him off. "I wasn't lying."

"It's ok. It made me feel better."

"But sweetie, I meant everything I said. You're a really great guy."

"O-ok." Chandler scoffed. Rachel slapped him on the arm. "Ouch!"

"Stop doing that. Taking everything I say and asking for more pity. You don't need pity. You're a great catch…"

"No, I'm not. I'm just Chandler. I'm just an-" What Chandler was never got said, for in that instant, Rachel kissed him. Rachel kissed him for several reasons. The main one being so that he would shut up and realize that he was a good guy. The second was because she wanted him to feel better about the Monica thing. There were more, but the instant she kissed his lips, all those thoughts seeped away. She was incapable of humane thoughts, and realized something with horror. She liked the kiss.

Chandler pushed her off a few minutes later, and looked down into her green eyes. "Please don't think I'm the kinda guy that doesn't like beautiful women throwing themselves at me or anything, but what the hell are you doing?"

"I don't know." Rachel squeaked.

"You're Rachel. Ross's Rachel. Ever since I've known him he's had, like, a claim on you."

"Uh-uh." Rachel said. Her head was buzzing. She felt like she was wasted. "I think," she managed to mutter. "I needa sit down."

Chandler grabbed her arm, and sat her down in the chair he had vacated earlier. "So…" Chandler smiled nervously, and sat down eye-level from her.

"So…" Rachel replied.

"That was weird." Stated Chandler. Rachel nodded dumbly.

"Really, really, weird." She sighed, and then began to rub her head. "I don't know why I did that. I mean, I'm still in love with Ross…" She sighed.

"I think I have feelings for Monica." Chandler sighed as well, and the two friends looked at each other awkwardly.

"We have to keep this a secret, you know." Chandler said, and then stood up from his kneeling position. Rachel nodded dumbly. Chandler continued; "Imagine Ross's response if he knew I liked his Monica and kissed his Rachel."

"I'm sorry." Rachel stood. "I shouldn't have done that, but you kept saying those ridiculous things-"

"It ok, Rach. I understand." Chandler nodded. "We're cool."

"Are we?" Asked Rachel.

"What does that mean?" Asked Chandler.

"We kissed, Chandler."

"I know that Rachel, I was there." Chandler replied, obviously annoyed. "But there's nothing we can do about it. We can't go back in time and erase it."

"You slipped me your tongue."

"I repeat: beautiful woman threw herself at me."

"What about Ross? What about Monica?"

"We don't tell them." He shrugged.

"I can't do that! Every time I see you, I'll think…"

"What?"

"I want to kiss you again." Rachel whispered. Chandler looked shocked, and then said just as quietly as she did;

"I want to kiss you again, too, Rach, but…" Chandler paused, looking for words, gave up, and left the apartment.

Rachel threw herself down on the sofa and broke into tears. Everything she knew, she didn't really know anymore.

TBC

(Like the drama, Lauren? Something's not right… I know it. Please fix and add whatever you want to. This can be both of ours…)


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Chandler, who had been hoping, if anything, that he would get some answers out of his expedition in to Monica's apartment, felt even more confused. He entered his apartment, head a-buzz.

"Hey, dude," Joey exited his room and looked at the extremely pale Chandler. "What's up?"

"Nothing! Nope! Nothing wrong with me! How 'bout you?" he said very quickly, and Joey narrowed his eyes.

"I know what this is about…"

"You do?" Chandler whimpered.

"This is about that crush you have on Monica…" he said. Chandler exhaled. Yes, that would be his cover.

"You caught me! I like Monica! Whoo – I'm glad that's out in the open. I'm going to bed. 'Night!" Chandler went to his room.

Joey watched him leave, and was left feeling as if there was something his friend didn't tell him.

888

"Hey, Rach!" Monica entered, bags of groceries in her hands.

"Hi, Monica! Let me help you!" Rachel ran over from her spot on the couch, and took the bags out of Monica's hands.

"Thanks, Rachel, but-" Monica began, as Rachel was setting each item up on a shelf.

"It's ok, Mon, I've got it covered…" Rachel smiled.

"Honey, don't think I don't appreciate the help, 'cuz I do, I mean, I could've used it while I was carrying all those bags up the stairs…"

"Mon?" Rachel reminded her trailing-off friend.

"What? Oh yeah, you're messing up my system…" Monica went over and began putting the items back up. "Now," Monica joined her friend at the dining table when she finished. "Tell me what's up with you?"

"Nothing…" Rachel fiddled with her fingers.

"Really? Nothing? That's why you wanted to help me put away the groceries?"

"Why can't a roommate help out her fellow roommate?" Rachel screeched, and hopped out of her seat. "I mean, is that a crime?"

"No, sweetie… I'm sorry…" Monica stated. "I guess you just seem to be acting weird…"

"Why would you say that? That's really hurtful…" Rachel scrunched up her nose, tears forcing themselves out of her eyes.

"Are you ok?"

"Of course I'm ok…"

"It's Ross, isn't it?" Monica said. Rachel looked at her. Part of her yearned to yell, 'NO! No, it's not Ross, though I wish it was…' Instead, Rachel just walked off to her room without a word. She left her bedroom a few minutes later, dressed casually, and waltzed out of the apartment, not even sparing a glance at Monica.

888

Rachel was sitting in the coffeehouse, lost in thought. She was glad that Monica hadn't followed her, though she wished someone was here that she could talk to.

"Rach?" Joey asked. Rachel jumped in surprise.

"Hey, Joey! Hi…" she muttered.

"Man, have you talked to Chandler lately? He's really wound-up about this Monica thing…" Joey said nonchalantly as he sat down. Rachel's eyes widened in horror.

"Oh yeah," Joey shook his head. "If only we could get Monica to ask him out…"

"Yeah…" Rachel said, as convincingly as she could, considering there was a huge amount of jealousy burning in the pit of her stomach. Since when did she care who Chandler went out with? Right. Since they'd kissed.

"You knew they liked each other, right?" Joey continued, oblivious to Rachel's inner-battles.

"Well… Chandler told me," she said. Joey smiled.

"Really? That means he's facing it. This is cool… Now if we could only get Monica to agree that she likes him, too…"

"Why should we do that?" Rachel screeched.

"Didn't I _just _tell you?" Joey asked bemusedly.

"Look, Joey, here's the deal," said Rachel. She cleared her throat. "The deal is, well, um . . . okay. Here's the deal –"

"What's the deal?"

"Joey, we can't just mess around with their love lives! I mean, we'd be like the worst matchmakers ever. _Ever!_" she emphasized."We'd try to, you know, set them up on a blind date, and they'd go to the wrong restaurant . . . or – or, like, you'd end up liking Monica, because you were working in close quarters . . . or . . . liking Chandler . . ." At Joey's horrified expression, she continued. "Listen, it'll blow up, it will. It will! And it'll be entirely our fault! We'd be like homosexual, blind-date-arranging, idiotic matchmakers!"

Joey stared at her. "Do you want a muffin or something? Because this is a _really _weird way of asking me for stuff."

"I'm not asking you for anything!" Rachel told him, still hysterically. "I'm just suggesting – _suggesting_ – that we . . . just . . . not do it. Please."

"Ok," Joey looked at Rachel as if she was carrying a very contagious disease. "But I still think that they're totally meant to be…"

"Well, then, what is meant to happen, will…" Rachel shrugged and continued sipping her coffee.

For now, she could at least get the mental pictures of Monica and Chandler, out together, out of her head.

888

"You've got to tell her how you feel." Phoebe said, and Ross sighed.

"It'd be no use. No use at all. She still thinks I cheated on her!" Ross said angrily.

"Well…" Began Phoebe.

"WE WERE ON A BREAK!"

"Ok!" Phoebe threw her hands up into the air. "You guys were on a break."

"I miss her so much…"

"I know…" Phoebe sighed, and stood up from Ross's couch. "I guess I'd better get going…"

"Why?"

"Oh," blushed Phoebe. "I've got, um, plans. Planny-plan plans."

If Ross noticed anything strange, he didn't say anything. "Goodnight Pheebs," He smiled.

"Goodnight, Ross."

With the slam of the door, Ross knew he was once again, alone, and wondered about Rachel. He wondered if she was thinking about him, the way he was thinking about her.

888

"Chandler?" Rachel knocked on his door. If he was alive, he sure didn't show it. "Chandler? I'm coming in. I told Joey to keep Monica down at the coffeehouse… I think he thinks I'm trying to convince you to ask her out…" Rachel said. It had been really awkward for Rachel, seeing Monica after knowing what she'd done with Chandler… mostly because, deep down, Rachel knew that Monica liked Chandler, too.

"Enter." Chandler said, and Rachel pushed open both halves of the door, shutting them both behind her.

"Hi." She smiled.

"Hi," He said, sitting up. There was no light on in the room, and Rachel could only see Chandler's outline from the moonlight pouring in from outside. She went and sat on his bed. There were several moments of silence, before either of them felt obligated to speak.

"Look, I…"

"What we did was…"

"You first," Chandler chuckled, and Rachel's pulse quickened as she thought of how sexy his laugh was.

"I… like you. Which is weird. For me. Because I didn't know that I could like you in the likin' you way, and now that I'm here, and thinking about it, I'm realizing all the stuff that hadn't come to mind before, and… it's like being blind for a really long time… and then starting to see." Rachel stopped, and threw her head in to hands. "It should be easier than this."

"Now you know how I feel whenever I'm around someone I like…" Chandler joked, and Rachel sighed. How did she not realize how amazing he was before?

"Do you like me?" Rachel whispered. She could hear Chandler moving, and could tell that he was scooting closer to her. Finally, she felt him next to her, and he reached out and wrapped his hand in her own.

"Yeah. All those years… I mean, Monica was…she still is… I would give anything…" He stopped, and Rachel looked at his outline. He pursed his lips. Rachel felt a sudden urge to kiss them again. "I'm having a hard time, too." He said.

"This is sudden. This is fast." Rachel whispered, knowing that Chandler could hear her perfectly.

"It's like suddenly getting hit by a bullet… or something less dramatic." He said, and Rachel laughed. Before she'd even caught any air, Chandler was kissing her. This time, neither of them stopped…

TBC

MWHAHAHA…. Take it, Lauren, baby!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Rachel awoke to insistent pounding, a steady rhythm that made her head spin. Where the hell was it coming from? Where the hell was she? Rachel didn't dare to open her eyes, as she tentatively touched her bare stomach. She was naked and she had no idea where she was. _Oh my God, _she thought, _I broke, I went back to Ross!_

But that didn't sound right . . . no, it wasn't Ross. It wasn't Ross. She opened her eyes gingerly, and it all came rushing back. Chandler! Chandler, Chandler, Chandler. She could think the name as many times as she wanted, but it wouldn't go away . . .

The knocking continued. Rachel wanted to yell at whoever was knocking this early in the morning, but she knew that could be a fatal mistake. Swallowing all of her feelings, both good and extremely bad, she shook Chandler's sleeping form to wake him up.

"Whasgoinon?" he slurred groggily.

Rachel gestured violently at the door. "There's somebody there," she hissed.

"Just Joey," he murmured.

"But what if he comes in?" she whispered frantically. "How are we going to explain _this_?"

He blinked. "Rachel?" he asked blankly, as if registering her for the first time. "We didn't . . ."

"Well, I'm naked, and so are you," she told him brusquely. "I think all the clues add up."

"Thank you, Sherlock, for _that,_" Chandler replied, his sarcasm obviously returning.

"Just do something about the door, he's been knocking on it for the past five minutes," Rachel hissed impatiently.

"Damn Italians," Chandler muttered. He slid out of bed and found a towel on the floor; he wrapped it around his waist. Rachel swathed herself in the bed sheets and hid in the closet, breathing heavily.

Chandler opened the door. "What do you _want_?" he asked Joey, who, as he predicted, was standing outside his bedroom.

"So, did Rachel talk to you?" he asked eagerly.

Rachel could hear Chandler's voice falter for a moment. Joey continued, apparently oblivious.

"Because I talked to Monica, and after a long, long, _long_ time –"

"Thanks, man," Chandler said sarcastically.

"Dude, it's _good news_!" Joey cried. "She agreed to go on a date with you, tonight! You better get ready!"

"Joey, it's nine o'clock on a Saturday morning! Normal people have dinner in the _evening_."

"Yeah, so? It's Monica. You want to impress her!" Joey looked curiously at him. "Right?"

"Well, yeah, of course. It's Monica," said Chandler uncertainly.

"Oh," said Joey. He narrowed his eyes at Chandler. "I know what this's all about. Rachel warned me about this." In the closet, Rachel's heart skipped a beat. Chandler closed the bedroom door.

"What _is_ this all about, Joe?" he asked, crossing his arms.

"Dude, Chandler, you mean a lot to me and all, but just because we're working in close quarters doesn't mean I have, you know, _feelings _for you." Joey patted his arm soothingly. "But if I could, I would be gay for you, man."

"Get out," said Chandler. "Get out, get out, GET OUT!"

Joey rolled his eyes. "Just saying, dude…"

"LEAVE!" Chandler yelled, and this time, Joey obliged. After checking over his shoulder several times, as if expecting Joey to hop back out, Chandler sat on his bed.

"We're good, I think. You can come out now."

Rachel walked out of the closet slowly and stared at Chandler. "Hi." She smiled.

"Hi," he greeted her back. His face broke into a toothy grin, and Rachel laughed. "What?" His face fell. He looked down at his half-dressed form and scowled.

"No, it's not that…it's just…you."

"Me?"

"Yes." Rachel sat down next to him. "This is weird."

"We should coin that phrase for this whole thing, you know," he said, and Rachel laughed. Chandler shushed her. "Not too loud, Joey might hear…" He pointed at the door, and Rachel's heart fell.

"You're going out with Monica tonight."

"Yeah. Looks like it."

"I can't believe this!" She stood up, and began looking for her clothes. "What will Monica say?"

"About what?" Chandler was beside her instantly, and staring into her eyes.

"About what? This!" Rachel yelped, and Chandler shot another hesitant glance at the door.

"Well, she doesn't have to say anything…"

"Are you suggesting that we not tell her?" Rachel looked at him.

"No, ok? I suggested not telling her about the kissing thing, now I'm _definitely_ saying that we don't tell her about this…"

"She's my best friend-"

"Ross is mine! What if I told him?" Chandler shot. Rachel felt herself blush.

"I thought Joey was your best friend…" she muttered.

"Well, he's my roommate…No! You will not trail me off! Do you want me to tell Ross?" he asked her. She shook her head despondently.

"Then I ask that you don't tell Monica…"

"Do you still like her?" Rachel glared at him, and relished in the fact that she'd made him uncomfortable this time.

"I… don't know. She's Monica. I've _always _liked Monica…"

"I sense a 'but'." She said, forcing him to say what she already knew.

"I like you, too…and this…I don't just…It's never been this easy for me to…" Chandler slowly met Rachel's eyes, and exhaled upon seeing her smile.

"Me neither." She kissed him softly, and then pulled away. "Now you distract Joey so I can get out of here."

"Ok… Now what about my Monica date tonight?"

"I want you to go," Rachel said, and Chandler looked at her, puzzled plastered across his face. "I want you to go, so you can see if us, you know, you and me, is something you really want to pursue, or if it's Monica…"

Chandler kissed Rachel at that point, and when she finally pushed him off, she sneered. "I don't know if I like this relationship that much, if that's the new way we shut each other up…"

"Worked for you, didn't it?" He grinned cheekily at her, and she smacked his arm.

"Now, go, and be distracting…"

"I know exactly what to do…"

888

"What do you mean, you might like me?" Rachel heard Joey exclaim from his room, and ran out of Chandler's as fast as she could. She didn't let herself breathe until she was across the hall, safe in her own apartment.

"Hey Rach." Monica smiled as she entered. Rachel immediately felt her skin change crimson.

"Hi, Monica…" She smiled. Monica winked at her.

"Out all night, huh?"

"Well, yeah…"

"So… are you and Ross getting back together?" Monica squealed, and Rachel shook her head.

"I wasn't at Ross's…"

"You weren't…" Monica's face fell, and she hit Rachel. "You're with some other guy when my brother's heart's on the line? How the hell could you do that?"

"How the hell could I do that? You're going out with Chandler!" Rachel shot, and Monica furrowed her brows together.

"Ok, what does that have to do with anything, and how did you know about that?"

Rachel felt stuck.

888

"Phoebe? It's me. Chandler!" Chandler knocked on her door. He had decided to talk to Phoebe, realizing that she would probably be the least-biased when it came to what he needed to talk to her about. After conversing with Joey for twenty minutes about 'liking each other', he knew that Rachel had to have safely gotten out of the apartment, and he said, "You know what? You're not my type!" and left the room. This, coincidentally, left Joey completely and utterly offended, so Chandler had to listen to him go on and on about how, if he was- and this is purely hypothetically- gay, then Chandler would so be lucky to have him. Now that he was free, he'd decided to come here, though was regretting not calling first, because Phoebe seemed indisposed.

"Umm… I can't come to the door right now…"

"Why not?"

"I just can't! Come back later!"

"I need help!"

"Ask Ross!"

"You don't understand! I can't ask Ross, or Joey, or Monica…or Rachel. I need you! You're the only one not caught up in this!" Chandler paused, and when that evoked no response, continued, "Phoebe!"

"Alright!" She opened the door. "What?" She looked at him.

"Help me."

"With what?"

"Obviously, something. So, may I come in?" Chandler made to enter, and Phoebe held up her arm.

"NO!"

"What the hell are you doing--?" Chandler tried to poke his head in the door, and got a smack upside the nose. "Owww!" He looked at her in dismay.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She shut the door behind her. "I'm so, so, sorry… it's just… I have a secret…"

"I have one too, and I didn't punch you…" Chandler sat down on the floor, and Phoebe sat opposite him.

"I know, and we're so unequally matched…"

"Phoebe, you're not _that _weak…"

"I know I'm not," Phoebe scoffed. "But _you _are…"

"Hey!" Chandler yelled, and Phoebe looked at his nose.

"I didn't break it. That's good. So, what's up?" Phoebe sat and looked at him, and Chandler rolled his eyes.

"I should've gone to Joey, it's just that he has such high morals—"

"Making me feel really good about being the person you chose to talk to," Phoebe gave him sarcastic thumbs up, and Chandler sighed.

"You're right. I just… I did something last night."

"With Rachel," Phoebe said, and Chandler looked at her in shock.

"How the hell did you know that?"

"I knew it the instant Joey called me this morning and told me that Rachel talked to you and that he talked to Monica. I was like, 'Oh yeah, I'm sure Rachel and Chandler did lots of talking…' "

"You didn't say that to him?"

"No, of course not. Joey wouldn't believe it anyway, like you said, he has these unrealistically high morals, and insists on believing that everyone else has them, too."

"It's not like I don't have morals!" Chandler sighed. "I just got caught up in the moment, and after that moment, I still felt… good. Which was weird, a word I've been using a lot lately, because I knew that I should be feeling supremely guilty because of…"

"Ross loving Rachel and Monica loving you…"

"Monica loves me?" Chandler exclaimed.

888

TBC

What an evil little place to leave it, but I like it, don't you, Lauren? Yes, that's a good place to leave it…


	4. Chapter 4

**Lauren's note: **Took me long enough. Will you forgive me, Amy my love?

_Amy's note: _I don't know, Lauren. I just don't know…Oh, who am I kidding? I love you, Lauren. Do you want to divorce TNEO and marry me?

**Lauren's note: **Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! I'll provide the cheesecake.

888

"How the hell did you know I was going out with Chandler?" Monica demanded. Rachel swallowed and tried to come up with a reason that sounded semi-plausible. She wanted to look away from Monica's crossed arms, or the way her eyes seemed to bore into her head like she was attempting to perform telepathic surgery, but she couldn't seem to tear herself away from what she knew would be a conversational train wreck.

"I – well – _obviously, _Joey told me," Rachel answered uneasily.

Monica looked furious. "I told Joey not to tell _anyone!"_

"I mean – I – Chandler told me!"

"_When_?" Monica asked incredulously.

"I guessed! I guessed!" Rachel corrected fitfully. "I knew it! Ha! I knew you and Chandler would end up together! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!"

Monica looked worried for Rachel's health. "Rach, sweetie –"

"I knew it!" Rachel said frantically, waving her arms. "I knew it, okay? You're going to go off to – to – _Westchester_ – and you're going to have millions of babies, and grow old together, and understand each other _perfectly_, because that's just how it is, and it's not like _I _can ever have that, because, my _God, _I can hardly even – and I know it's so _stupid, _but I – when did it become so damn _complicated?_"

"Shhh, sweetie, it's okay," said Monica, gathering Rachel into an embrace. "Ross'll come around, soon, I promise." She stroked Rachel's hair. "He's a little slow on the uptake, but he's a good guy, and I know that this will happen for you. It has to."

Rachel closed her eyes. Monica gave her a reassuring squeeze.

"Hey, listen," Rachel said, murmuring against her shoulder, "have fun on your date with Chandler, okay?"

Monica silently continued to thread Rachel's hair with her fingers.

888

"Monica loves me?" Chandler repeated. He stared disbelieving at Phoebe. "She loves _me?_ _Monica _loves _me?_"

"I know, I couldn't believe it either," Phoebe said.

"Hey, that's funny, it's just what I needed! A self-esteem boost!" Chandler said sarcastically.

"You know, Chandler, I don't appreciate that kind of attitude," she told him sharply. "You should learn some patience."

Chandler shut his mouth, taken aback. Phoebe looked surprised at herself. "I didn't think I could pull off the _frustrated mom_ thing! Wow, I really _do _rock at everything!"

"Phoebs, back to me –"

"You _again_?" Phoebe asked exasperatedly. "You're so self-involved."

Choosing to ignore her, Chandler asked desperately, "What do I _do?_"

"About what?"

"Everything! Monica, Rachel – _you_ –"

"Me?"

"I'm always wondering what to do about you, Phoebs." Chandler sighed. "What's with all the secrecy?" he decided to shoot.

"Well, if you must know, I'm running a self-employed exorcism service," she said simply. Chandler squinted at her.

"Really?" he asked in a small voice.

"Ummm…no." Phoebe laughed. "The last thing I need is some more demons pissed at me." She rolled her eyes and stood up. "Good luck, Chandler." She went back inside her apartment, and closed the door slowly, making sure that Chandler couldn't see what was inside.

888

While Rachel had her breakdown with Monica, and Chandler left Phoebe's company feeling even more confused about his situation, Joey talked to Ross about the whole 'Monica and Chandler thing' (so he dubbed himself).

"So." Ross paused, mulling over his words. "They're going out. On a date." He spoke slowly, and then took a sip of his coffee.

"Yes." Joey nodded.

"And they like each other."

"Yeah, they do." Joey giggled like a little school boy.

"Huh." Ross took another sip of his drink.

"Isn't it great?" Joey asked excitedly.

"Well, I know that you're _lying_," Ross said evenly.

"Wha – hey, I'm not lying!" Joey protested.

"Joey," said Ross in an infuriatingly patient tone, "the world would sooner collapse in on itself then Monica and Chandler would _voluntarily_ go out on a date together."

Joey looked angrily at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Did the Pliocene Epoch happen overnight?" Ross countered.

Joey stared.

"Listen," continued Ross, ignoring Joey's feeble attempts to comprehend his meaning, "I don't know what you're trying to pull, but it's not funny, okay? Monica's my _sister_, dude, and if you don't realize –"

"Chandler's my best friend!" Joey interrupted. "And it's not _supposed _to be funny! They're going out on a date. The end. It's not a _comedy_, Ross!"

"What?"

"I said, it's not a _comedy_, R –"

Ross grabbed Joey by the collar. "They're going out on a date?"

Joey pried Ross's hands away irritably. "I just ironed this, man!"

"They're going out on a date?" Ross repeated.

"Well, yeah, that's why I was here in the first place, spelling it out for you –"

Before Joey could say another word, Ross stormed out the door, slamming it resolutely behind him.

888

Chandler bounced on the balls of his feet, hesitating outside the strangely foreboding door of Apartment 20. He felt winded, despite the fact that he had only walked several steps from his own apartment (his lung capacity was still a little shy of the norm); and his hands were sweating again, although he had just dried them seconds before (God, did it have to be so _muggy_?). He simultaneously wanted to dance and die. He was going out with Monica, _Monica_, and that alone was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity – and yet, jumping out a window and plummeting to his death also seemed to have its own perks.

He didn't have the chance to decide, however, because as soon as he prepared himself to move, the door swung open and Monica appeared, looking as beautiful as ever. Her own agitation was blindingly obvious: her nails were fake and painted, to keep from biting them to the quick.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," he replied, as he gave her the once-over; she instinctively returned the gesture.

"You cleaned up well," she complimented, fidgeting with her purse.

"Yes, well, I _did _learn that showering makes it easier to score," Chandler replied. Monica's eyes widened. He panicked.

"Not that I'm trying to _score _with _you _or anything, because that would mean that you were just some – some – hooker or something –" Chandler continued in vain, "I mean – not that I think _you're_ a hooker – I mean – I mean – you're _Monica_, sometimes I don't even think of you as a _woman _at all!" Chandler wanted to die. "Sometimes you're just, like, a – an asexual _non_-hooker –"

They looked away from each other, utterly mortified. Chandler looked heavenwards. Why did people allow him to talk to women in the first place?

"Listen," said Chandler, after a short period of wallowing, "let me start over." He tentatively touched her shoulder. "You look stunning."

Monica finally smiled. "I knew you'd get it right eventually."

"At least _you _have faith in me," he replied, grinning.

"Don't get too cocky. You could still screw up."

"You think _this _is cocky?" he asked her in disbelief. "You obviously haven't seen me at my worst."

Monica sidled closer to him, linking her arm within his own. "Janice, Chandler? Rachel and I were _both_ there when you revealed the _unspeakable barley incident_."

Monica was smiling at him, but Chandler couldn't concentrate.

Rachel. Chandler felt his blood run cold. An unexpected bout of guilt swept through him. God, what was he doing? He wasn't like this – he wasn't like Joey, who could juggle two relationships without the bat of an eye. If what he had with Rachel could be called a relationship, that is – and even still, being torn between a woman he had been secretly pining for, and another – another who was beautiful, and funny, and wonderful . . . it shouldn't feel like this. He should feel overjoyed that he was able to boast _one _date with someone like Monica, or wake up next to someone like Rachel.

He couldn't even remember who it was about anymore. Could he give something up he had, for what he wanted? Or give up what he wanted, for what he had? And it wasn't like he didn't want Rachel, but Monica was _Monica_ – he was in _mental turmoil_ after she had laughed at his boyfriend material suggestion. _Mental turmoil_. That usually took a day subjected to Janice and afterwards a long conversation with Joey about various ways to kill her.

"You okay, Chandler?" Monica asked him, her eyes soft with concern.

_I wish._


End file.
